T-minus 11 days to the toughest decision of my life

It all started about a month ago on a walk.. Bonzai LOVES walks.. He totally commands them. You will move when he says move and you will return home once HE says he is finished…. He tried to step up on the curb and let out a YELP. He was limping a little going home. I thought for sure he had twisted something in his front left leg.. Within a day or two his elbow was huge.. his limp now very noticeable as he would not put any weight on his leg at all. Once again I thought for sure he had torn a ligament. Googling my best I felt it was concerned. We scheduled a trip to the vet.

The vet concurred from our story it was probably just inflammation, arthritis even. We were given NSAIDS and sent home and told to come back in a week if no improvement. A week went by and his elbow was the same to we took him back to the Vet. The vet did some x-rays and said it looked normal as far as the joint. He said to keep him on the NSAIDS for another week and if no success we would need to see a specialist.

Queue the specialist. It did not take the orthopedic Dr long at all to give us the news. He tried to drain the liquid and said it was a soft mass. He did not seem to have much doubt it was cancer.. He said we could amputate. He said thought it would spread . He said at age 11 Bonzai was a little older but that he did not see any reason Bonzai could not handle it. You see Bonzai hates the Dr so even at 11 when he is in that exam room he is full of spit and vinegar. The Dr referred us to an Oncologist as the next plan of action.

We met with the Oncologist the following day. He did a biopsy and x-rays. He said he could not see it had spread. He said it would be amputation and chemo for 6 months. He said the likelyhood that Bonz would get cancer again somewhere in the next 9 months was about 50/50 . he said he felt even with amputation the survival would be 1 to 2 years and he seemed very optimistic about that. He said bonz had energy and he felt that even blind.. Yes Bonzai is completely blind. He suffered detached retinas due to pressure 3 years ago.  That even blind he did not see the dog would have any problems adapting to 3 legs. He said he felt age would not matter either. That Bonzai was strong.  He said amputation would be $3000… Chemo about the same….He gave us options of just doing chemo without amputation but said there was not much of a chance it would work.

Heartbroken we left with our options….Though money should never be a decision with those we love we still had to discuss it. We went to our local Vet to see if we could get the amputation done at a price we could actually afford. He could not do it but his colleague could.. $1500.. We trust them. They have done surgery several times on Bonz before. We breathed a little relief. We could AFFORD the procedure.  The Dr even gave us some Tramadol to help with pain. The specialists had not. Maybe the specialist knew more. Maybe they knew the Tramadol would not do much. That it was pointless, but it felt like were were at least doing something for Bonz so it helped us at least. Our Dr said he felt Bonz had life. That dogs tell us when they are ready to go and by Bonz trying to pull me out the door he was only try to say GET ME OUTA HERE. lol. He said Bonz had life.

We went to see our Dr’s colleague for pre-op. We had a plan. We had 3 Dr’s saying they felt Bonz would be a candidate. We were scared but we had hope.. Dr Henderson the surgeon was nice. He was sooo nice. He really took time with us. He said by looking at x-rays Bonz had arthritis in his right Front leg.. He told us he worried about this. He said the arthritis would get worse. He said if it were his dog he had no clue what he would do because it was that tough of a decision. He said there was no way of knowing at Bonz’s age with his arthritis and the fact it was a front amputation if he would do OK.

UGH!. It had taken almost a month to pull ourselves out of this valley of heart ache. To feel we had no hope and then find just enough to think we were going to do the right thing. Now were we? Would we put him through this amputation and then see him struggle with arthritis to the point we then have to put him to sleep a few months later? The fact that he is blind? Not one of the 4 Dr’s had any experience with a blind amputee. Yes Dogs adjust put poor Bonz already struggles as is with his lack of sight. ….

We scheduled the Surgery. The Vet said no harm in that. So now we wait.. Wait until the 9th to decide if we take him in or not. Talking ourselves in and out and in and out of surgery till our head aches from the tears. He is in pain. I cannot see him living like this. I know it is either surgery or a much worse decisions very soon.

 

8 thoughts on “T-minus 11 days to the toughest decision of my life”

  1. Oh, bless his (and yours) heart!! I can’t say that I would be able to make such a decision. But I gotta believe he’ll (Bonzai) give you some signs as the date nears.

    Peace be with you as you sort it all out to make a decision!
    pam

  2. BONZAI, you sound like a delightful fella’ with a whole lot of spunk and determination, and that’s a HUGE plus on this journey!!!

    You are taking it all in stride and not worried about a thing…unlike your humans who feel l ike they are stuck in a nightmare!

    For me, it also took me over a month to decide…yes, no, yes, no, sobbinb hysterically j n between, scheduling “the” appointment only to cancel it.

    My big chunk of a girl, Happy Hannah, a Bull Mastiff, had osteosarcoma of the hind leg. As her pain worsened and pain meds were beingnupped, I knew it would be just a matter m of weeks, if that, and I’d be saying farewell. She was not even close to giving up on life, and it sounds the same for Bonzai. Together, we had a “talk”. She wanted more loving and spoiling time, as did I. “We” made the decision and, after a rough recovery (bigger older dogs so etimes take longer to recover), we never looked back!!!!

    We had THE most glorious quality bonus time ever imagined!! Some dogs get more rime with osteo., some far less…we were privileged to have one year and two months of pure bliss! And in doggy years…yeah, seven plush years!!!

    There have been several senior dogs with arthritis, pretty severe in some czses, who have done beautifully on three legs!!

    Bonsai is already used to having no sight, he’s already basically just using three legs anyway, you have three out of four vets who concur he is a good candidate, he is full of life and clearly isn’t ready to throw in the towel, so younhave a lot of pluses!

    Make no mistake…it IS major surgery and just the surgery itself has risks. And in rare occasions those risks rear their ugly head.

    The only RIGHT answer is one made out of love and an informed decision. Looks like you have all thoses bases covered.

    If you’d like, you could also post a thread in the forums, perhaps uuder “Treatment, diganosis, etc.”..or “Size and Age”….these blogs go up and down so fast you may be able to find more support there.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE, OKAY? Everyone here understands like no others can!

    Eat some chocolate, have a talk with Bonzai, he’ll give you his decision!!

    Sendingyou love and hugs and letting you know we are with you every step of the way!

    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!.

  3. Wow. You must be feeling a little between a rock and a hard place! Did the other vets and oncologist look at all his xrays and take the arthritis into account when they gave you their opinions? If not maybe you could ask them for a second opinion given the arthritis? Sally is right, Bonzai does have alot going for him, arthritis or not.

    Sometimes arthritis on xrays looks worse than clinical presentation in the dog would suggest. I had a dog whose hips looked like a train wreck on film but she lived to be 12 with no signs of pain (but she had 4 legs). Up to this point have you ever noticed Bonzai favoring that leg?

    One of my tripawds (a rear leg amp) has arthritis in both elbows AND his remaining hip (he is only about 5). The elbows cause him obvious pain but the hip not so much, even though, again, it looks awful on the xrays. In spite of it all he is one happy dog!

    So, Bonzai is in pain from the tumor now. Amputation will inevitably put more stress on his remaining arthritic leg and could lead to pain in that leg. How much and how soon? Thats the unknown. If or when that leg becomes painful there are many tools, including drugs, to manage pain and minimize stress on that remaining leg as long as he otherwise remains strong and happy. For example, you can get him a harness to help him in and out of the car and up and down steps. There are front wheel carts for dogs with front leg mobility issues (admittedly he might not be able to adjust to something like this with no sight but still worth a thought). Some folks use buggys to allow their older tripawds the pleasure of their daily walks without putting too much stress on their remaining limbs. Others have tried acupuncture to alleviate joint pain.

    I have three dogs with arthritis and recently entered them in a trial for donor stem cell injection into the affected joints. It was a double blind study so we just found only one dog got the stem cells originally but the other two got their stem cells yesterday. So we won’t know for a bit but the news out of the trial so far is that most dogs respond really well to the treatment. So that may be a possibility for Bonzai down the line. I will be writing a blog post about the study and our experience so keep an eye out for more information.

    Hope this helps a bit. You can definitely find lots more information in the Tripawds blogs and forums. People have been all kinds of creative around here!

    In the end Sally is right–go with your gut and your heart. Ask Bonzai what he wants. I have the feeling he’s gonna say “Lets go for a walk!”.

    xoxo,
    Martha, Codie Rae, and the Oaktown Pack

  4. I understand how heartbreaking this situation is. Just remember to consider the quality of life this would offer bonzai. Surgery is hard and long recovery, possibility of infection, etc. Prolonging life isn’t always the best solution if he is old, suffering from arthritis and the chances of recurrence are high. Remember life works in mysterious ways and things always happen for a reason. Maybe this is how life /god is telling you its time to let him go.
    Goodluck and remember whatever decision you make will be the right one…

    1. Thank you for your kind words.. I cannot tell you how many people have told me that the decision I make will be the right one. I believe it to be true but I know I will not let myself off that easy regardless of the choice we make. Ugh… No wonder my mom used to say a parent should never have to bury their child.

  5. Hello Bonzai and family. I am just now catching up with blog posts and yours really jumped out at me. I feel for you and the tough situation you’ve been dealing with.

    However I have no doubt that you are great pawrents who are doing. Only you know what’s best for Bonzai, and in your heart of hearts you know what he is capable of. It sure sounds like he’s a spunky, spitfire of an old dog who has a lot of livin to do.

    Codie Rae gave you lots of great insight about living with 3 and arthritis. I know her personally and can tell you that her dogs get around pretty darn good and have great quality of life. As for the blindness, do you know about Queen Nova? Nova, senior Great Dane, lost her vision and still did GREAT on three legs. Here is her story:

    http://nova.tripawds.com/

    Whatever you decide, we are here to support you. Please visit our Forums for lots more help and insight. Keep us posted.

    1. Thank you Jerry.

      Your comments and your post about Nova were truly moving.Through all this we have yet to find a story of a blind puppy going through this. So it helped us to read about Nova so much.

      So far with about 36 hours left we are set on surgery. I change my mind hourly though I swear. My dad died last year on Christmas Eve. At the hospital we had some touch decisions on procedures to make those last few days to try and save his life. We were told ultimately those procedures might kill him while trying to save him. One did. yet I told my wife with my Dad I did not hesitate on the answers..Answers about his life were just easy to make. Yet for some reason over this little guy I cry nonstop.

      God bless and thank you for your words.

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